My purpose is to raise awareness for human trafficking. The Red Sand Project is an activist artistic movement where people are encouraged to put red sand in the cracks of sidewalks to symbolize urgency and that most people sold into human trafficking come from cracked homes. After the sand is in the crack, people are supposed to take a photo and post it to social media using the hashtag #redsandproject. My audio piece is going to display the lack of knowledge people have on human trafficking. It will be informative and hopefully entertaining.
It will be published on soundcloud but the link can be posted anywhere along with the hashtag and photo of the red sand. The audience is anyone. Everyone needs to learn more about this crime, especially as it happens in our community.
There won’t be copyright issues as long as I find my sound effects on free sounds and I’ll cite where I got some statistics. I think I might want to incorporate a number just to show how large human trafficking is. Also I might need to talk about Toledo and I-75 to emphasize that its happening around us.
I guess I’m very open to feedback on how to make it a little more exciting, or what kind of sounds to use. It is a serious topic but I do not want it to sound like a lecture.
kelsey224 
I understand that the subject of the audio project is about human trafficking. She made it into a game show where she asks people questions in order to see how much they know. I also understand that she is trying to promote awareness in a more interesting way to teach girls what they can do to prevent and help with human trafficking. I think the message will be a lot more clear in the final draft because she won’t just be reading the script and she will have the sound effects and people answering her questions. I think that the message of it being about human trafficking will be clear, but I am not sure how seriously it will be taken because she lay sit out in the format of a game show. Maybe to make it more effective, she could act like she went out onto the street and asked people these questions so we understand how little the general population knows about human trafficking. The audio was very broken just because it’s a draft and she hasn’t put in the sound effects or the contestants answers, but I feel that it will be good once she does that. It doesn’t seem like she has done much editing yet, other than to cut out pauses or other things she didn’t want to include. The blog posts shows the context for the piece which I didn’t hear at all in the actual audio. I didn’t know that the game show was in response to a specific movement (Red Sand), I jus thought it was a general promotion for awareness. I don’t have that many suggestions, it just needs to be finished.
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Before reading the accompanying blog post, listen to the draft in its entirety. Then, write out a brief explanation of the project’s purpose/point/message as you (the viewer) are able to understand it just from listening. Is the message/purpose clear, or is it confusing in any way? What, if anything, could make the message clearer?
The message was not clear at first. I would suggest bringing up your organization much earlier so listeners understand the purpose of the audio essay. I like the direction you’re going in, but it seems a little disjointed. The end was probably the best since it stated the purpose and how to get involved.
How well do you, as the listener, think the various audio elements (e.g., voices, music, ambient sound/sound effects, silence) of the project work together to create the message? What revisions/additions do you suggest?
I think once you get all of your additional voices and sound effects, the piece will really come together. There are a lot of different sound effects you want to add, so I’m interested to see how that goes. The voice recording was very clear, nicely done.
How smooth/effective is the spoken delivery of the script?
You sound a little bored, so if you bump up the excitement it will be much better. overall, good delivery though.
How effective are the technical aspects of the draft (audio editing, clarity/fidelity of spoken voices)?
There isn’t much to say about the technical aspects since it was just a run-through.
How helpful is the accompanying blog note at providing useful contextual and background information on the project?
Very helpful. I had idea what the organization was until the end, so the post helped clarify what your essay’s intentions and purpose were.
What other revision suggestions or constructive comments/questions, if any, do you have for the rhetor?
The only suggestions I have are to sound more excited and lively when you speak, and add sound effects and music to give the piece some dimension and make it more entertaining to listen to.
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Before reading the accompanying blog post, listen to the draft in its entirety. Then, write out a brief explanation of the project’s purpose/point/message as you (the viewer) are able to understand it just from listening. Is the message/purpose clear, or is it confusing in any way? What, if anything, could make the message clearer?
I think the purpose of the audio essay stated in the beginning, which is helpful. I also think that the audio essay has a lot of potential and calls upon people to discuss their own opinions. When you get your responses inserted, I think it will make the message clearer and more straight forward.
How well do you, as the listener, think the various audio elements (e.g., voices, music, ambient sound/sound effects, silence) of the project work together to create the message? What revisions/additions do you suggest?
You don’t have sound effects yet, so I don’t know exactly how they will come out. However, what you said you wanted to add in I think will help make the essay progress and also fits into the topic you are discussing/your “game.”
How smooth/effective is the spoken delivery of the script?
I think the spoken delivery of your voice is good, but it will be interesting of how your guests voices will synch with yours.
How effective are the technical aspects of the draft (audio editing, clarity/fidelity of spoken voices)?
I think you have a really great idea of what you want to do/script. I am interested to hear the whole thing once you get your interviews and sound effects added in.
How helpful is the accompanying blog note at providing useful contextual and background information on the project?
I think the accompanying blog post here definitely helps the viewer understand the audio portion better since it is not yet completed. I understand the direction you are going in, but I am unable to give you too much feedback until I can hear all your voices and sound effects inserted.
What other revision suggestions or constructive comments/questions, if any, do you have for the rhetor?
I like your focal topic. I think it’s really interesting, and I’m excited to hear the whole piece when it’s done.
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